Friday, January 2, 2009

New Years Resolutions, Crook Style - Part 1: Tim Snyder

El Campo has recently had the opportunity to sit down with each of the K Street Crooks in a series of rare one-on-one interviews. The topic: New Year’s Resolutions. Every couple of days El Campo will post the transcript from one of these interviews for your reading pleasure. Without giving too much away, I can tell you this was one of the most enthralling assignments ever given to this lowly El Campo reporter… I hope you enjoy this rare glimpse into the psyche of our favorite pink football club.

First up, co-triumverate captain, Tim Snyder

El Campo: Good afternoon Tim! –err, may I call you Tim?
Tim Snyder: Absolutely not.
(awkward silence, much fidgeting on El Campo’s part)
Tim Snyder: haha, I’m just kidding.. You know I love you El Campo de Petworth. Oh and by the way, you do know we’re no longer the ‘pride of Petworth’, right? I mean, come on, we’ve been at Capital Hill way longer than we were at that dump. Change the name already! (rolling eyes, crossing arms across his chest)
EC: Uh… erm… that’s really up to the editors, I’m just a reporter..
TS: I know, I know, again, I’m just joshing ya.. relax! Now, what did you want to talk about?
EC: Well, uh, ‘sir’-
TS: Call me Tim!
EC: Yes, of course. Tim. Yes. Well what I want to talk to the Crooks about today is the subject of New Year’s Resolutions. What are your goals for the team in 2009?
TS: Ahh, great question. I have been thinking about my resolution for some time now – nearly the entire year.
EC: And what have you come up with?
TS: Well let me lay this on you, and honestly, tell me what you think: (clearing his throat) I have resolved to get the Crooks featured on ---wait for it… wait for it--- Blind Date.
EC: ….You mean that trashy Fox reality show that follows douchebag couples around on their first dates until they end up wasted in a budget inn hot tub?
TS: Precisely!
EC: I’m sorry, uh, Tim, but I just don’t see the relevance here…
TS: Come on! It’s brilliant! We get a couple of players to sign up for the show.. you can tell they accept just about anyone.. We may have to throw a couple push-up bras on the girls, get a couple bottles of hair gel and cheap cologne for the guys, but you know, nothing too extravagant… Anyway, we get them on the show, they do the little bio of the player on the date, and Whammo! (TS gets out of his chair, flails arms about in a theatrical way) Flash a pic or a video clip of the K Street Crooks in all their melon and pink glory! We could even have the little Crook guy from our original logo run across the screen!! We’ll be famous!!
EC: I see… I suppose that is an easy way to get your name on television… But what about the rest of the show? The player would then have to go on an awful date, wouldn’t they? Would any of the Crooks actually be willing to do that?
TS: Well I sure as hell wouldn’t. But Alexis is a big fan of the show, I think she might go for it.
EC: Wow. Throwing your fiancé into the trashiest of trashy reality dating shows, all in the name of Pink!
TS: Thank you, thank you.
EC: Well, Mr. Snyder – I mean, Tim – this has been a very enlightening conversation. It’s nice to finally get some insight into what one-third of the triumvirate is thinking. Thank you so much for your time.
TS: No problem. And tell your readers to stay tuned to Blind Date… its gonna happen for us this year, I just know it!
EC: Will do. Thanks again, sir.

Stay tuned for our next post, fellow co-triumverate captain and extreme Hasselhoff-enthusiast, Ben Hoefs!

1 comment:

Bennji said...

I HAD NO IDEA!!!! TIM!1111!!! pick me! pick me! I would make a fantastic blind date! can I wear an eyepatch?