Monday, January 12, 2009

New Year's Resolutions, Crook Style - Part 7: Mike Huling

Today we post the transcript from our interview with Crooks sweeper Mike Huling.

El Campo: Good afternoon, Mike, how are ya?
Mike Huling: I’m great! How are you today?
EC: Very well, thank you. It’s been a very busy day already! I’ve met with a number of your teammates already discussing their New Year’s resolutions, and wow… there have been some pretty crazy responses.
MH: haha, yea, I’m not surprised. Once you get to talking to any of them you’ll quickly find out more than you ever wanted to know.
EC: Tell me about it. This is why I was really looking forward to talking to you today. You seem like the most normal and put together one on the team. Am I right?
MH: Oh I don’t know about that, I guess it would depend on your definition of ‘normal’.
EC: Well, try me – What are your 2009 resolutions for the team?
MH: I’m going to single-handedly overthrow the triumvirate in a wild coup and take over the team as supreme ruling dictator.
EC: haha, good one. But seriously, what are your goals for the year?
MH: I am serious.
EC: Umm… no, haha, you’re just pulling my leg.. there’s no way…
MH: The Hoefs-Snyder-Breznay trio has run its course. Not one of them knows the first thing about leading a team.
EC: Well they seem to have done a pretty good job so far.. back-to-back championships in 2008.
MH: Pure dumb luck. This team deserves better. After the whole Dimbiloglu debacle, I didn’t think it could get worse, but now- well this just has to stop.
EC: And you think you’re the man for the job?
MH: Absolutely. I’m going to take this team to the top. I’ve got our game plan all mapped out already, starting with a special conditioning regimen.
EC: Could you elaborate on that some?
MH: Sure. It starts with a quick 10k warm-up sprint every morning promptly at 5am. That’s followed by a specially designed breakfast shake and a half-dozen raw eggs per person. Then we’ll move on to a 4-hour scripted cardio workout. At 10, we move on to weights. I want everyone on the team benching, at a minimum, four times their body weight. Another protein shake for lunch, followed by 3 hours of intense brainwa-- I mean meditation. Then we’ll throw a couple hours of drills and a 40k run in before dinner, and follow with evening tai chi exercises.
EC: Riiiight.. And this is going to be a daily routine for the Crooks if uh, you were to ‘take control’?
MH: You got it. It’s what they need. Hell, it’s what they want. The triumvirate is letting them down; not letting them reach their full potential.
EC: I see. This is very interesting Mike.
MH: This time next year you’ll be interviewing an entirely new team, I guarantee it. It’s going to be an amazing transformation, just you wait.
EC: Well, err, good luck to you Mike. And thank you for your time today.
MH: You’re welcome, El Campo. Have a wonderful day! GO PINK!

Up next: Alexis Horn announces how she plans to continue playing for the Crooks while abroad… stay tuned!

1 comment:

Bennji said...

Effective immediately: The triumvirate will employ Chuck Norris as their bodyguard. And yes, he CAN be at all three locations simultaneously.