Wednesday, January 7, 2009

New Year's Resolutions, Crook Style - Part 4: Logan Kendall

Next up in our interview series is striker Logan Kendall.

El Campo: Good afternoon, Logan.
Logan Kendall: (in a thick British accent) Good day’ madam. I hope you don’t mind, I brought some tea – would you care for some?
EC: Oh, why, yes, thank you, that would be lovely. And can I say that is a remarkably good British accent you’ve got there.
LK: Of course it is. (wistfully) Haven’t I told you I was born and bred in the hills of Wilmingtonshire… my mum still lives there today- in fact, I just returned from holiday there this very morn.
EC: Really! I had no idea. But what about California?… I mean, I’ve always heard you speak in such a typical Californian accent, and--
LK: --Well my good lady, there seems to be many things you don’t know about 'Agent 225837'.
EC: I just can’t believe it. This is fascinating. Tell me, what else have you hidden from El Campo and your team – goodness! Your team! Do they know??
LK: Oh no no… For reasons I can only tell you very little about, I have not revealed my true identity to my teammates. Let’s just say, it is for their own safety, and the safety of their families. (pausing, pensively) Madam, I can only tell you that my real line of work involves some of the most confidential and mysterious organizations on Earth. My position and my role here on the K Street Crooks is one of utmost importance and one that must be kept in place at all costs.
EC: Are the Crooks in danger?
LK: They would be if I left – and I don’t just mean in goal differentials, mind you. There are forces at play here that are far beyond the understanding of this football club.
EC: What kind of forces? What exactly are you protecting them from?
LK: Forgive me madam, but I fear I have said too much already. I cannot speak further on this subject.
EC: I’m sorry. It’s just that this is such a startling revelation; our readers are going to be shocked to hear this you know. And by the way, you do realize the team is going to find out via the blog, aren’t you? Why are you telling me—
LK: I am aware of that possibility… however, we have it on excellent intelligence that the team does not actually read the blog anymore, and those that do simply skim the articles looking for their own names. I’m fairly confident much of this will never actually be read. And if it does, well, we have (ahem) ways of dealing with that. (looking at his watch) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must run. I’ve got to catch a flight to Prague – I mean “California” – in an hour.
EC: Oh, by all means! And thank you so much for your time and willingness to share.
LK: You’re most welcome.
EC: Oh! I almost forgot! One more quick question Logan... Do you have any New Years resolutions pertaining to the team?
LK: Of course I do – it’s the same every year. Protect the Crooks. (winking)

Coming up next: Derriere extraordinaire, Stefan Georg!

2 comments:

Bennji said...

very interesting. very interesting indeed. good thing I only skimmed the article.

House PAC said...

These postings are making unemployment very entertaining