Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Dimbiloglu: Wrong for K Street, Wrong for You


Is M.Ekrem Dimbiloglu truly the captain of the future for the K Street Crooks?


FACT: M.EKREM DIMBILOGLU KNEW THERE WAS NO GAME THIS PAST SATURDAY BUT FORCED SEVERAL HUNGOVER CROOKS INTO THE MUD ANYWAY.
It was Tim Snyder whose quick email prevented Dimbiloglu from forcing the Crooks out on Sunday afternoon as well.

FACT: M.EKREM DIMBILOGLU ALMOST DIDN'T ATTEND THIS CANCELLED MUD FEST TO PRACTICE FILLING IN OVALS WITH A #2 PENCIL IN A DRY, NON-MUDDY OFFICE.
It was Tim Snyder who convinced the captain that the team was more important than business school.

FACT: M.EKREM DIMBILOGLU HAS RECEIVED SOME 45 CENTS FROM GOOGLE AD REVENUE FROM THIS VERY BLOG, THE PEOPLE'S SITE, BUT HAS NOT SHARED ANY OF THIS MONEY WITH THE TEAM.
It was Tim Snyder who first warned that Dimbiloglu, a senior compliance auditor, could not be trusted with the lucrative ad money.

FACT: M.EKREM DIMBILOGLU WAS SPOTTED AT TACO BELL GETTING EXTRA CHEESE ON HIS NACHOS BELL GRANDE. COST: 45 CENTS.
Tim Snyder has only been to Taco Bell twice in his life and prefers a lunch of windsprints and pushups.

Mustafa Ekrem Dimbiloglu: Wrong for K Street, Wrong for You

I'm Tim Snyder and I approve this message.
Paid for by Friends of Tim Snyder for 2008 captain and not embezzled Google Ad revenue.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Scared Pappas Misses Game


(WASHINGTON, DC) - The K Street Crooks attacking midfielder Tony Pappas announced Thursday that he would be unavailable for the team’s weekend showdown against Arko+6. Team sources indicated that he would have loved to have played, but unfortunately was “really, really scared.”

As late as Wednesday world, Pappas insisted he would be available for the Saturday clash, but soon after changed his mind. By Thursday, he had decided not only to miss the game, but to skip town as well, satisfying himself only when he found a ride to Richmond. It is widely believed that this change of heart was related to a seemingly innocuous October 18th organizational email sent by Crooks forward Tim Malacarne.

Intended only as a light-hearted reminder of the game time, Malacarne’s e-mail noted the Crooks previous session 0-3 loss to Arco+6 and compared the team’s hulking Eastern Europen captain Arko to Rocky IV villain Ivan Drago. The association was more powerful than its author imagined however, and soon after Pappas pulled out of the game. “I was just trying to be funny,” Malacarne said. “I figured that since we lost the first match, we could use a little “Eye of the Tiger” Rocky-like desire to pull an upset this time around. Apparently, I was wrong.”

Contacted by El Campo de Petworth, Pappas stated that he had signed up for the District Sports league to “have some fun and get in shape.” He continued on to say that reasons he had not signed up were to “die, get killed, get pummeled to death then die...” He shared that he felt there would be a real possibility of any or all of those happening if he were to play against Arko (pictured left), who he seemed to believe was the actual Ivan Drago. “Come on,” he whimpered, “that guy killed Apollo Creed. Apollo Motherf*ing Creed! Just think what he’d do to me!”

Katelyn McClure is likely to start in place of Pappas. The 5’5”, 110 pound midfielder said that while she “understood [Pappas]’s concerns,” she thought that it would be better for everyone if he “would quit being such a gigantic pussy.”

Friday, October 19, 2007

K Street Seeks Turkish National Team Coach

(1850 K Street) - Speculation has been rampant on K Street that long time captain, Mustafa Dimbiloglu may be let go for a more experienced coach. Dimbiloglu is often credited with turning the struggling Crooks around from a dismal first year showing of 0-7-1 to the recent 4-4 record of last season. This has not seemed to quell the recent rumors swirling in the Golden Triangle.

The current Turkish National Team and former AC Milan coach, Faith Terim is speculated as the successor to Dimbiloglu's reign. El Campo de Petworth recently acquired video of the Turkish National Team coach at a press conference in Istanbul addressing the media in English. It is critical to the Crooks that the next coach be competent in English, as all but two players speak Terim's native tongue, Turkish.

After watching the video please vote in the corresponding poll regarding the clarity of Terim's English and if you believe he could lead the Crooks better than Dimbiloglu.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Starting Goalie Questionable for Saturday's Test

Snyder (concussion) is questionable for K Street's game on Saturday after this horrendous accident in practice.


Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Crooks Win, Forget to Blog: A Campo de Petworth Investigative Report

(WASHINGTON, DC) - Despite unparalleled success on the pitch last session (culminating in a staggering 4-4 record) District Sports’ soccer super team the K Street Crooks made its members less available than ever to the media. Worried that loyal Crooks fans were being cut off from their beloved team, ECdP launched a full-scale investigation.

ECdP staff first investigated rumors that captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu had perished in a tragic plane crash in rural Nevada while investigating possible locations for a new pitch. Thankfully, these rumors turned out to be entirely unfounded, apparently having confused Dimbiloglu with 63 year old American aviator, sailor, and adventurer Steve Fossett.

When tracked down, Dimbiloglu instead characterized his absence as a consequence of the team’s success. “It was easy to keep the stories flowing when we were losing,” he said. “I mean, come on, it wasn’t like I was going to go out and celebrate much.” Now, he said, things are much different, “It’s almost annoying. Every time I step out of my apartment I’m mobbed by swarms of beautiful women wanting me to sign autographs, give them a kiss, father their children. I enjoy blogging, but I’m a nice guy. You can’t do anything for yourself until everyone else is satisfied.”

Goalie Tim Snyder reported similar problems: “Yeah I can see that. Every time I went out I had to stop and sign at least three chicks’ cleavage. Every time I turned on my computer my email inbox was full of propositions and naked pictures. I’d love to blog again, but with all that attention, [girlfriend and Crooks defender] Alexis won’’t let me out of our bathroom. You’re actually the first person I’ve spoken to in almost two weeks. I’m so lonely. And I’m starting to lose all pigmentat... Quick get out of here! She’ll be back soon! It’s almost time for cooking class.”

Some members of the team provided different reasons for the media blackout. “Well,” said forward Tim Malacarne, “even since Mustafa died in that plane crash, it’s been hard. I just can’t muster that same joy I used to have.” When informed that he, too, was confusing Dimbiloglu with Steve Fossett, Malacarne expressed surprise and relief. He then asked if the captain was in fact still alive, why the heck did the team go to all the trouble to find a replacement Turk and call him by the same name? ECdP was unable to answer this question and Malacarne brusquely ended the interview.

While none of Crooks could provide concrete promises that they would be more available to the press, it is believed that their Fall Session opening 1-3 loss to former bottom-dweller Sarah McElhinney's Fantastic Team will provide them with more time to pursue journalistic pursuits.

Crooks Caught on Tape!

(WASHINGTON, DC) - A video of the Crooks in action has surfaced on the popular internet video site YouTube. Shot on a hand-held camera from the side-line, the video was posted by a mysterious entity calling itself SlingshotVideo.

A portion of the video showing looped footage of team captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu putting on his shirt has been cross-posted on the adult-themed site YouPorn.

Monday, October 1, 2007

.500!

Thanks for a great season. I had a lot of fun.
Be on the look out for an end of the season party invitation coming soon to mailboxes near you.

Until then, be pink - be proud!