Scared Pappas Misses Game

(WASHINGTON, DC) - The K Street Crooks attacking midfielder Tony Pappas announced Thursday that he would be unavailable for the team’s weekend showdown against Arko+6. Team sources indicated that he would have loved to have played, but unfortunately was “really, really scared.”

As late as Wednesday world, Pappas insisted he would be available for the Saturday clash, but soon after changed his mind. By Thursday, he had decided not only to miss the game, but to skip town as well, satisfying himself only when he found a ride to Richmond. It is widely believed that this change of heart was related to a seemingly innocuous October 18th organizational email sent by Crooks forward Tim Malacarne.

Intended only as a light-hearted reminder of the game time, Malacarne’s e-mail noted the Crooks previous session 0-3 loss to Arco+6 and compared the team’s hulking Eastern Europen captain Arko to Rocky IV villain Ivan Drago. The association was more powerful than its author imagined however, and soon after Pappas pulled out of the game. “I was just trying to be funny,” Malacarne said. “I figured that since we lost the first match, we could use a little “Eye of the Tiger” Rocky-like desire to pull an upset this time around. Apparently, I was wrong.”

Contacted by El Campo de Petworth, Pappas stated that he had signed up for the District Sports league to “have some fun and get in shape.” He continued on to say that reasons he had not signed up were to “die, get killed, get pummeled to death then die...” He shared that he felt there would be a real possibility of any or all of those happening if he were to play against Arko (pictured left), who he seemed to believe was the actual Ivan Drago. “Come on,” he whimpered, “that guy killed Apollo Creed. Apollo Motherf*ing Creed! Just think what he’d do to me!”

Katelyn McClure is likely to start in place of Pappas. The 5’5”, 110 pound midfielder said that while she “understood [Pappas]’s concerns,” she thought that it would be better for everyone if he “would quit being such a gigantic pussy.”