Monday, February 16, 2009


Leadership Crisis Looms over K Street as Former Captain Returns in Short-term Loan

EAST LANSING - Former K Street Captain Sir Mustafa Ekrem Dimbiloglu will return to the Crooks this summer in a deal just released to El Campo. Dimbiloglu will be on loan from the Superior Spartans of the Michigan Unemployment Liga from early May through mid August this summer.

"I am excited to return to the Crooks," said the Turk in a noon press conference. "And I look forward to returning to my previous leadership position with the team. I appreciate what the Triumvirate did as caretakers but finally," he said with the flourish of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnston "the 'Krem has come back Washington."

Sir Dimbiloglu, who recently bought peerage in the British royal system, was knighted formally as Sir Mustafa Ekrem Dimbiloglu Montgomery, Viscount of Confectionary during his time away from the team. Dimbiloglu, known for his hot bod (above) and no nonsense leadership style (below), made it clear that he has not ruled out a financial remedy to the leadership crisis his return has brought to the Crooks. "I'll throw some money around, for sure."

The team issued this statement today. "The team is happy to hear of [Sir Mustafa] Ekrem [Dimbiloglu]'s return to the metropolitan Washington area this summer. We cannot comment on any role he might have in a pink shirt moving forward. We can reassert that the three leading the team now have done exceptionally well, markedly better than Dimbiloglu and can probably take him in a 3 on 1 street fight scenario."

However, the solidarity of leadership upon Dimbiloglu's return is not that certain. One team member, who spoke on condition of anonymity, did not rule out the Turk's return to leadership. "Every man has his price. I am finshing up my sixth year of school and looking at five more. It doesn't take someone wicked smart in math to know my price isn't too high."

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

New Year's Resolutions, Crook Style - Part 10: Katie Horgan

Up next in the interview series is everything-but-goalie Katie Horgan.

El Campo: Good afternoon, Katie! How are you?
Katie Horgan: (burping) he-hello El Ca-a-amp-o. I’m gg-ood.
EC: Um, are you… ok Katie?
KH: hahaha, I’m just fine. I’m just practicing my belching skills.
EC: Why on earth-
KH: Oh, it’s my New Year’s resolution. Since I’ve had some time off work, I thought I’d pick up a new skill. You know, keep myself well-rounded and all.
EC: I see.
KH: I’ve almost got the whole alphabet down, wanna hear it? (taking a deep breath)
EC: Not rea-
KH (burping) –Ayyy, b-bee, cee, dee, eee, ef, gee, ay-ch, i, ja-jay, kay, ell, em, en, oh, pee, q, ar-rr- (exhaling) Woo! I keep running out of breath at ‘R’ but I’m almost there, right?!
EC: That’s, uh, great… But anyway, yes, it just so happens that I came here to talk to you about resolutions today.
KH: Oh, perfect! I mean, (burping) perr-fect!
EC: Yes, but I was actually interested in New Year’s resolutions pertaining to the team... Do you have any goals for the 2009 season?
KH: Hmm. I’m not really sure. I mean, I’ve been really preoccupied with this belching skill. It takes a lot more time than you’d think. There’s gotta be a way I can apply it to soccer…
EC: It might be a good distraction skill… freak out the other team, you know?
KH: Yes! Exactly! When the ball is being passed to someone on the other team, I’ll just start belch-talking to them and they’ll completely miss the ball! (belching) ohh, its gg-onna b ggg-oo-d!
EC: Yes.. it’ll be.. something alright…
KH: (burping) –Ayyy, b-bee, cee, dee—
EC: --oh, we seem to be out of time. Thanks very much Katie. I’m continually amazed at how bizarre this team really is…
KH: haha, yes, and I’m the normal one!
EC: …right. Thanks again.
KH: (burping) Yooo arr welll-come!

Stay tuned for Justin Sargent’s ambitious goals for 2009!