Friday, June 29, 2007

Captain Oh Captain?

(Capitol Hill - DC) Controversial Turkish international and Crooks captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu was recently spotted partying after the team's crushing defeat in the league finale.

An anonymous source tipped El Campo de Petworth that Dimbiloglu, sometimes known as the Paris Hilton of Petsworth, spent much of the evening drinking and gyrating to pop beats at Grand Central, a Washington DC nightspot. The captain has long been criticized in the media for his party habits but one has to wonder if this time the fans and the locker room may decide he’s gone too far and demand a change.

One Crook, who asked to remain nameless do to concerns about his future place in the starting line up, stated that it was not necessarily the drinking that bothered him - after all drowning sorrows in alcohol is a time honored and manly sporting tradition - but the carefee attitude Dimbiloglu seemed to take. "I mean come on," the player said, "the guy just captained a team that got their ass kicked worse than normal. And for our team, normal is already pretty bad."

A second team member was less harsh in his criticisms, but remarked that if "Mustafa is going to sell out our team for pair of tits and two legs, he could at least find some that weren't twice the size of his.....the legs I mean, not the tits, those are ok, being being bigger than his I mean, I guess, you know what I'm trying to say." Later in the interview the same player made a possibly sincere offer to buy his leader a "No Fat Chicks" t-shirt that he'd once seen on the internet.

Asked about the incident Mustafa showed little remorse, simply stating “I love to dance......”

Trouble on K Street perhaps?

Logo Search Begins...

(1850 K Street - DC) As many of you already know, the K Street Crooks logo is getting a make-over for the upcoming season.

Due to financial constraints, the Crooks design team has outsourced the logo-creation process to two locations in California, who have decided to work pro bono. The graphic design team in San Francisco contacted my home office in Glover Park regarding details of the design. Ms. Ai Korube, the main designer working on the case, asked that we collaborate as a team to brainstorm potential designs. Tim Malacarne and I agreed that the blog would serve as an excellent forum to exchange our personal visions.

In the comments section, please expand on your vision for the logo as much as possible. I hope to get back to Ms. Korube by the end of the weekend. She seems to be extremely receptive to any changes we wish to make.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Crooks win something!

(ROSSLYN, Va.) - Shaking off three months of disappointment, K Street Crooks members Mustafa Dimbiloglu, Eric Cederbaum and Tim Malacarne got their first taste of unified victory last night in Rosslyn, Virginia. Playing with a non-Crook (a random, semi-competent but fairly tall Asian guy), the team triumphed in a heart-pounding game of playground basketball. The Crooks called upon perseverance and clutch outside shooting to stage a come from behind win in the game to seven.

Cederbaum impressed in his debut, successfully translating the intensity that made him a bocce champion onto the basketball court. Over the course of the evening, he averaged 8.2 rebounds per game to lead all players. "I knew Eric was going to bring a winner's mentality to the Crooks," said team captain Dimbiloglu, "but even I was impressed how fast it happened. That was a veteran team we faced today and to step up like that and get the win was a big step for us." The Crooks will now hope that Cederbaum's aggressive play translates as easily to the soccer pitch as it did to the basketball court.

While much of the threesomes success was attributed to Cederbaum's example and strong play, other commentators traced the Crooks success to the fact they they were not wearing their dignity-sapping pink jerseys.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Crooks Caption Contest

(GLOVER PARK, DC) The 2007 Crooks Caption Contest has begun!

Your mission: Create the wittiest and most amusing caption for your favorite photo as a comment to this entry.

Posted here are the final four photographs* that made it through the rigorous selection process. Photos are numbered 1-4 from top to bottom. (Clarification for those who have experienced a few too many "headers": top photo = 1; next photo = 2; next next photo = 3; bottom photo = 4)

Grand Prize: Winner will receive a 4 day 5 night all expense paid trip to Hawaii for you and 10 of your closest friends!! Brought to you by (the number one site for travel!)**

Runner Up "Prize": Captain Dimbiloglu's unwashed "man-scented" jersey for a period of 24 consecutive hours.**

See Official Rules below pictures.

1. Derogatory statements will not be tolerated (you stupid bitch!) and are strictly prohibited. The K Street Crooks and their affiliates do not endorse profanity (unless absolutely necessary or, say, if one stubs one's fucking toe)

2. Entries must be limited to 75 words (yes we will count!) The K Street Crooks and their affiliates do not have the time nor patience to read through endless captions, expecially if they suck.

3. One entry per person per household per day.

4. Entries must be posted as a comment to be considered.

5. Entries must be postmarked by the close of business, Eastern Daylight Time (EDT) on Friday, July 13, 2007. No late submissions will be considered unless really awesome.

* The K Street Crooks and their affiliates, associates, subsidiaries, and silent partners are exclusively photographed by their offical photographer Rachel S. Papeika. All rights are reserved. Photographs, individual likenesses, and the name "K Street Crooks" cannot be reproduced or used without the express written consent of the K Street Crooks or Rachel S. Papeika.

** Prizes are subject to change without notice. Please forward all questions comments and concerns to William Shatner directly via

Capello linked to Crooks move

(MADRID, Spain) - Despite leading the club to its first major title in four years, Real Madrid manager Fabio Capello acknowledged that it was the prerogative of club president to replace him if he so desired. Talking to Spanish sports daily AS, Capello stated that he would have no choice leave the club if the president and board chose to go with Getafe manager Bernd Schuster, but he would expect to be paid every last cent owed him on the remaining two years of his contract.

Seizing on the degree of financial freedom such a buyout would afford, world soccer fans began speculating on possible destinations for the former Juventus, AC Milan and AC Roma head man. A popular choice has been the K Street Crooks. The Crooks, a Washington DC based club currently playing in District Sports' Petworth 7v7 Coed League, would appear an attractive option for the Italian for several reasons. First, their preferred 4-2 alignment fits well with Capello's fundamentally defensive footballing philosophy. With physical defenders Justin Sargent and Amy Aubin at his disposal, Capello could continue to play the "catenaccio" style of football that has served him so well in the top leagues of Europe.

Real Madrid is expected to announce their choice of trainer for the 2007/08 season in the coming week. When they do, Capello's future will become much clearer.

K Street Crooks Celebrate Spring Season, Introduce New Player

(WASHINGTON, DC) - The K Street Crooks celebrated the conclusion of District Sports' Petworth 7v7 Spring Soccer League Sunday with a barbecue at the home of team captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu. While devouring hamburgers, hot dogs, and elusively named chicken skewers, the Crooks relived a season that saw them go 0-7-1.* Popular topics of conversation included how the team was able to give up so many last minute goals and how grateful everyone was for the existence of FC Meridian with occasional references were made to the "Small Penis League" in remembrance of former goalie MarkodLoucas.

Not content to toast the past, the Crooks also looked to the future with the introduction of Eric Cederbaum. Team officials hope that the former bocce champion's winning mentality will help inspire a locker room too often marked by complacency during the previous season. When asked where he thought me might fit into the team, Cederbaum replied "Probably defense," immediately showing a keen grasp of the teams favoured 5-1 formation.

Surprising some observers, no team member left the gathering in a state likely to cause following morning headaches or nausea. An anonymous source was quoted as saying that maybe Dimbiloglu should host such a get together on nights prior to games.

*Team member Dorothy Nederman actually reminisced about a season in which the team went 1-7-0 but was confused.