Friday, June 29, 2007

Captain Oh Captain?

(Capitol Hill - DC) Controversial Turkish international and Crooks captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu was recently spotted partying after the team's crushing defeat in the league finale.

An anonymous source tipped El Campo de Petworth that Dimbiloglu, sometimes known as the Paris Hilton of Petsworth, spent much of the evening drinking and gyrating to pop beats at Grand Central, a Washington DC nightspot. The captain has long been criticized in the media for his party habits but one has to wonder if this time the fans and the locker room may decide he’s gone too far and demand a change.

One Crook, who asked to remain nameless do to concerns about his future place in the starting line up, stated that it was not necessarily the drinking that bothered him - after all drowning sorrows in alcohol is a time honored and manly sporting tradition - but the carefee attitude Dimbiloglu seemed to take. "I mean come on," the player said, "the guy just captained a team that got their ass kicked worse than normal. And for our team, normal is already pretty bad."

A second team member was less harsh in his criticisms, but remarked that if "Mustafa is going to sell out our team for pair of tits and two legs, he could at least find some that weren't twice the size of his.....the legs I mean, not the tits, those are ok, being being bigger than his I mean, I guess, you know what I'm trying to say." Later in the interview the same player made a possibly sincere offer to buy his leader a "No Fat Chicks" t-shirt that he'd once seen on the internet.



Asked about the incident Mustafa showed little remorse, simply stating “I love to dance......”

Trouble on K Street perhaps?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

A simple web surfer who stumbled upon this site might think that this type of non-soccer related news posting is only going to further our winless streak. Some may go a step further, casting this fearless reporter as the Yoko Ono of our squad.

However, as an eight-game starter, I believe this is precisely the quality of muckraking that is necessary to shake those who have become drunk and jubilant with their own (pink) power, reminding them that their control over our sinking ship is only as strong as their flashy Turkish manicure.

To our captain: Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job!

Rachel said...

While I agree it is endlessly entertaining to make fun of the self proclaimed "Turkish Heartthrob" as his team mates, you should realize, this is a cry for help. Rather than chastise his horrendous dancing, you should perform an intervention. Say it with me: "My name is Mustafa and I'm a danceaholic"