>(Rosslyn-VA) International soccer sensation and recent K-street Crooks acquisition, Eric Cederbaum, made his practice debut this past Sunday. However, fellow teammates quickly became concerned when it took him roughly 20 minutes to tie his shoes. When his soccer skills were finally put to the test, it appeared that Mr. Cederbaum will fit in nicely to the already assembled ragtag group of misfits. At the height of the drama, Eric and the "Paris of Petworth" went "toe-to-toe" in a Best of 19 shootout. After both players were unable to even put any shots on goal, the ball was gradually moved closer and closer to the goal. However, the drought continued, as this measure yielded no goals as well. Finally, on the 19th shot, from roughly 3 feet away, both players scored and the spectators were forced to settle for a 1-1 tie. Actually, the spectators were ecstatic that they no longer had to be subjected to such incompetence. But what can one expect from a couple of Compliance Auditors?
CAPTION: The Savior training with the African Youth National Soccer Team
When asked if he thought that his past soccer experience will lead the Crooks to a W this season (or at least a second tie), Eric responded "Well I have actually never played soccer before, but I have seen Air Bud: World Pup several hundred times." He then proceeded to thank Jesus Christ many times, whom he claimed gave him the strength to suck so much. Weird, considering Mr. Cederbaum is Jewish. But thank God for that ass.
2 comments:
Noticeably absent from the account of this week's practice was the man who saved 19 consecutive shots contributing to the epic battle. OK, so he only saved 5. The other hero-of-the-showdown that was neglected the guy who chased down the remaining 14 shots that flew every other direction but straight.
Let's give credit where it's due, shall we?
I'm really mad that tickets were sold out for this clash.
Also, I'm happy that we have a messiah now. It will really take the sting of getting crucified all the time.
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