The K Street Crooks held practice today at their new facilities in Arlington, Virgina. The forty minute workout showcased the intensity of our pink-clad warriors, despite heat exceeding 35.5 degrees. Using their signature Estero pink soccer ball, the team cleanly worked through a series of drills, much to the delight of gathered onlookers.
Assistant to the Captain Ben Hoefs spoke after practice to reporters. "It was a good and productive workout. We scored a lot of goals, and developed some solid set pieces that will really be helpful next season." When asked about the heat, Hoefs said "I haven't been this hot since I pulled up to a bunch of babes on my motorcycle in Adams Morgan last night wearing my leather. Grrrowl." Sorry ladies, Ben immediately recanted his statement and began repeatedly mentioning that he had a girlfriend.
Featuring a real-to-size replica of the game field and goals, and a revolutionary stone-dust playing surface, the new facilities should really help the Crooks next season. Defender Alexis Horn commented how the field was right in the heart of the Commonwealth and convenient to all. "It's just a short walk to the Metro and right off of US 50, much better than Fort Reno [the Crooks' previous practice field]." After concluding her comments, she was overheard asking her boyfriend and stud netminder Tim Snyder "man, do we really have to walk all the way home now? Do you think there are cabs here?" After responding in the negative, she queried "well, can you fricking carry me? It's like a thousand degrees out here." Snyder kindly declined, stating he needed to rest his back so he would be ready to carry the entire team on it for yet another season.
The team does not have any future practice scheduled, but Snyder mentioned the team will likely keep these sessions open to the public. "Coming out here in 308 degree weather, Kelvin or not, is no picnic. But, when you have the throngs of screaming fans on the side, just happy to see you play, it makes things a lot cooler." Hoefs chimed in, "There are no fans here, man. That's me. I make things cooler."
2 comments:
"Assistant to the Captain" just makes this article.
Also, I'm glad I was too hungover to show up. This sounds way too intense for me. I'm going to have to up (to 14 from 12) the amount of miles I run uphill in my snowsuit every day so I can handle it next weekend.
After wearing my leather for the entire practice, I noticed that I lost about 12 pounds in water weight.
And Tim, that hangover would've been gone in about 10min in that heat.
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