Monday, January 12, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: TEAM ISSUES WARNING ON NOOSHI SCALLION PANCAKES

At 3:00 PM on Sunday, the team released an emergency statement asking players and fans to not consume the scallion pancakes at Nooshi: Oodles, Noodles and Sushi on 19th NW between L and M streets.

"On Saturday afternoon, some team members attended what was supposed to be happy hour at the restaurant. It turned out to be "crazy hour" and things went from bad to worse. The half-price drinks, which were flowing with reckless abandon, appeared to have no effect on whatever was in the scallion pancakes. Three team members missed practice on Saturday as a result," said team surgeon general Ben Hoefs in a press conference Sunday.

Only two team members present, defender Alexis Horn and goalie Tim Snyder were not completely over taken by illness. "Frankly we were shocked by that," said Hoefs. "They had some sort of seaweed dealie that looked like it was for sure going to result in increased bowel activity. I guess our predictions were wrong."

Defender and tri-captain Joanne Breznay was the hardest hit. According to team sources, Breznay slept in a bathtub that she tried to fill with Pepto Bismol on Saturday night. When El Campo tried to reach her for comment, her roommate Amber Lovell said she was not available. "She left at about 7:00 this morning to head to Nooshi. She just kept murmuring 'pancakes.... pancakes' like some sort of masochistic zombie."

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm telling Nooshi I want my money back!!

Anonymous said...

And can i add how suspicious it is, with Mike's 2009 plans in mind, that the entire triumverate was stricken - ahem, targeted - with food poisoning? HMMMMMM

snydertm said...

and more ironic still that one captain emerged unscathed. dare we call him the most wily of the three?

Bennji said...

I guess the Woo Woo didn't make matters better either.

Ben's review of Nooshi: 10 thumbs down