Crooks Ballers Trade Trainers for Tights

2008 was a roller coaster year in Crooks history. After claiming back-to-back Capital Hill championships, the K-Street Crooks missed the indoor tourney deadline and therefore will not qualify for FIFA World Cup 2010 in Johannesburg. The footballing community and Crooks fans were united in their disappointment. FIFA president Joseph S. Blatter released a statement Monday, “obviously K-Streets inability to make it out of the qualifying round in disheartening, the level of play will suffer and the integrity of the tournament is called into question – they owed their fans, as well and the football community in general, more than that. We can only hope for better in 2014.” Not realizing the microphones were still on Blatter went on to comment to is colleague, “what I am really going to miss is watching [defensive pair] Joanne Breznay and Amber Lovell prance around the field, they sure are something exciting to look at.” When asked to comment on Blatters remarks Breznay’s representative stated “my client is outraged by the sentiments expressed, what [Blatter] failed to understand is that while aesthetically pleasing, these young ladies carried the rest of the team on their backs – scoring all goals and blocking all shots.” Conformation of these statistics were unavailable at the time of publication.

Many Pinkos [legions of k Street fans, not communist sympathizers] began to pack away their watermelon scarves and pink body paint as they braced themselves for a long winter without their beloved team. But, fans rejoice, while soccer may be on hold, Crooks moves will be on display at the National Theatre thanks to the brilliant minds of Tim Snyder, Ben Hoefs and Tony Pappas. The creative trio have parlayed their love of soccer and ballet into the most talked about dance performance this season. Leaping and pirouette-ing about the stage, the K Street Crooks have brought millions of new fans to the art of dance. Dancer and choreographer Tim Snyder noted, “it has truly been the most fulfilling experience of my life to express myself through dance: the savagery of the game mimicked through the tension in our bodies, the exhilaration of play echoed as our bodies take flight on stage…it is truly magical.” Hoefs and Pappas took a less philosophical view of their work; Hoefs reported that “my ass looks great in these tights, Stefan would be proud,” Pappas went on to say “since all the girls now assume I am gay, they let me stay in the back room while they change, SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.” Regardless of their motives, one core truth remains, the Crooks have reinvigorated the art of dance as well as sport. Bravo!