Monday, September 29, 2008

Crooks fall to Meat Product

Washington DC - The first-place K Street Crooks fell to Pressed Ham United on Sunday, 2-1. The enemy tucked their first goal neatly over the head of keeper Tim Snyder. "It was at that moment that I remembered what Joanne or Amber [Breznay and Lovell respectively, both defenders] asked me at practice Saturday. 'Are these goals shorter than the ones we play on at Capitol Hill?' I can now confirm the answer to that question is the affirmative," Snyder told reporters in a post-game interview.

The Crooks tied it up with 7 minutes to go in the half as Ben Hoefs put one past the Meat Product goalie assisted by the elder Corcoran. Hoefs celebrated the goal by dropping his game trunks to reveal what appeared to be lederhosen. "Ich liebe Hasselhoff!" he exclaimed.

Pressed Ham ham-mered the game home beating Snyder five-hole on a rebound with ten minutes left in the match. "It was at that moment," Snyder explained, "that I thought to myself what those Catholic-school nuns taught us 'Close your legs!', but it was too late by then. Good thing Plan B is available over the counter!"

The team played well despite the defeat. Defenders Justin Sargent and Alexis Horn (in her first game back) earned the inaugural BONECRUSHER awards for superior and intimidating defensive play. The Moose Award went to Tony Pappas, the team leader in the category, for missing the game again this week. "We feel his commitment to paying the team fee but not playing is too analogous to the commitment of our captain emeritus to go unnoticed."

The Crooks will cede first place this week to The Wanks who defeated Swampoodle 6-2 in early action on Sunday. The team takes on Real Awesome next week and may do so without the services of three key players. Breznay (right upper leg strain), Snyder (dislocated right ring finger) and Pappas (Washington Bridal Expo) are all listed on the team's injury report as questionable.

"I want to make it clear," said the team spokesman at the conclusion of the weekly Crooks press conference, "This loss isn't the end of the world. It shouldn't be overlooked that we picked ourselves up from posting a painful zero at last week's 11:00 test to having three players hungover - and possibly one buzzed - this week. We may not have scored the most goals, but we continue to make improvements." Hope springs.

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