E! True Hollywood Story: The K Street Crooks

In a week of nostalgic glory, the return of the pink jersey was overshadowed by strife within the Crooks ranks. One of the stories fans have latched on to in the new season, is that of long-time friends Ben-german Hoefs and Stefan Georg. Both products of the German hinterland, the Deutsch-duo share a common biography; a saga that would sear into their hearts a dear love and friendship.

Raised away from their ancestral home, Hoefs and Georg struggled to fit into the rough and tumble urban American landscape. Both faced the perils of cultural imperialism; words such as “bootylicious” and “bling” were forced upon the young boys who suffered in isolation for so many years. Forced to play “ugly American sports” like football and baseball in school; each one stoically practiced squash in their lonely new homes. Little did each one know that their feelings of “otherness” would soon come to an end. Their fates were sealed as each was accepted to George Washington University.

Upon arrival at GW both found friends such as Alexis Horn, Tim Snyder and Mustafa Dimbiloglu; all of whom were open-minded enough to overlook their squash loving ways. When asked about this time in their lives Tim [Snyder] replied “l do not claim to understand or even like the sport, but my momma raised me to embrace the idiosyncrasies of other cultures…so I accepted Ben into my life despite obvious reservations.” Although the pair found comfort in this tolerant circle, the fateful date of February 24th 2002, would change the trajectory of their young lives. This was the first day of GW Squash team practice. The two locked eyes and realized that they were destined to be Squash Buddies.

The story that follows this fateful day is one of enduring male friendship. Stories of this deep connection are seldom seen outside of the foxhole. One was rarely seen without the other; they spent their days in practice and their nights ogling pictures of David Hasselhoff and Arnold Schwarzenegger. The two combined their talents on both the squash court and the soccer field. Their involvement in the K Street Crooks launched the pair into district fame. Much like the Great Damon-Affleck Debate, Crooks groupies discuss their friendship at length, arguing over who is “more dreamy.” See F.C. K Street blog to hear Tim Malcarne’s take on the debate. Sports Illustrated’s article on this storied friendship was featured on last year’s June issue – subsequent media coverage resulted in lucrative Adidas and Vitamin Water deals.

With fame however came heartache. Cracking under the pressure of fame, money and a never ending stream of booze and women – the pair has had a falling out of Hilton-Richtie proportions. When asked about the recent turn of events Georg responded “It’s like my man Biggie said – may he rest in peace – mo’ money mo’ problems.” E! News has obtained unreleased video footage of their final days together, filming a sports drink commercial. The two exchanged angry shots to the balls. While the welts may heal, it is doubtful their hearts will. The final blow came when the head-band clad Georg assaulted Hoef’s girlfriend Dorle; an offense that simply cannot be forgiven. When asked about the young woman’s condition, fellow crook Joanne Breznay stated “Things got really ugly, thank God Dorle regained consciousness but I think the friendship is DOA.”

This was evident in Hoef’s absence from the pitch this week. Talking through a representative, Hoef’s stated “its him or me, the other captains will have to decide, but I know that if I see that SOB ever again someone will end up face-down in the Rhine.” The team suffered under the strain of this nasty divorce, barely securing a victory this Sunday. Sad times are ahead, sad times indeed.