WASHINGTON - The K Street Crooks round out their season this week on what will hopefully be a high note. The team dropped last Sunday's test in a valiant fashion to the eponymous Wanks, 1-0. Our Heroes of the Tenth Block worked hard right to the end, unleashing a flurry of offense that made Assistant Captain Bobby McNamara (shown right calling in a second-half set-piece) proud. "After that effort, it looks like I'm going to have to have the boys at OSD change the name of Agent Orange to Agent Pink!" Sadly, the Pink effort failed to put the snowball in the igloo before the whistle sounded thrice. The Crooks endured a tough fifty minutes punctuated by profanity, insanity and pig-piling calamities.
The team takes on hated rival Violet Revolution (#12, 0-5-2) this Sunday in a makeup match first cancelled by Hurricane Ekrem. The Revolution is comprised of the remnants of FC (add your own vowel) K Street, the violent separatist side formed earlier this year. "I think our offense will make them wish they were standing in 200 MPH winds and sideways rain," said meteorologist and part-time soccer game attendee Tony Pappas.
With one last game left in the season, the top of many statistical categories are still up for grabs. The most hotly contested is the Hungover Caps column, brought to you by Steel Reserve. Defender, captain and chief Caribbean scout Joanne Breznay currently holds the lead with three. The brothers Corcoran are in the hunt with two and many are tied with one. Defensive tandem Amy Aubin and Justin Sargent are looking to mix things up by throwing a seemingly innocent "End of Year Party" on Friday. "Frankly, our goal isn't team spirit," said Aubin. "Yeah," interrupted Sargent, "we're looking to get [hangover-prone] Amber [Lovell, defender] and Tim [Snyder, keeper] so drunk that they pull off a double-hangover for Sunday." "At the same time, and here is the key, " clarified Aubin, "we'll be feeding Joanne sparkling apple cider so she can't add to her tally." Goals, assists, and BONECRUSHERS are also hotly contested and could be decided by the last game. The only award locked up is the Mustafa Ekrem Dimbiloglu Memorial Award of which Tony Pappas has been the only recipient. "Merhaba, Ekrem-bey," said Pappas with tear in his eye and the Platinum Cupcake trophy (left) held over his head, "this one's for you!"The team received another accolade this Monday when TeamSnap, the club management software used by K Street, labeled the team one of it's "Most Active Users". "Well, I can't say we aren't proud," said a team spokesman, "but this would be one of those Teen Jeopardy situations where you're both a winner and a loser." Reports from Michigan indicated that the team's mom is proud of them and, the spokesman finished, "that's all that matters."
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