Tensions Rise on K Street

Dimbiloglu brings Turkish penchant for militant government transitions to the Crooks

Former team captain and defender Mustafa Ekrem Dimbiloglu is still trying to assert control over the CapHill Champion K Street Crooks. The captaincy transferred last month to the triumvirate of Joanne Breznay, Ben Hoefs and Tim Snyder. However, Dimbiloglu has been reluctant to turn over all the keys to the team.

"We're not talking about something on the scale of what happened in San Francisco this month," said Ted Thompson, a recreational league soccer analyst from the firm Dewey, Cheetham & Howe, "but the new leadership has not achieved full command and control of the organization as yet." Specifically, the triumvirate is still not able to control the website for El Campo de Petworth, the team's official outlet, and does not have access to the Manager's Lounge at the K Street practice facility.

"There was some hope this week," said Terry McAuliffe, spokesman for the triumvirate on Tuesday, "[Goalkeeper and tri-captain Tim] Snyder was able to wrestle control of the team management website from Dimbiloglu late Monday." Snyder then immediately deleted all previous record of Dimbiloglu, including records of his goals and assists. "That was definitely the most time-consuming part," said McAuliffe on Snyder's deletion of veritable gigabytes of the former captain's points data.

Dimbiloglu was not available for comment at time of press. Sources close to the dethroned dictator say he has fled to his native Turkey to escape prosecution. Snyder, forward Tony Pappas and former sweeper Alexis Horn traveled to Istanbul earlier this month to convince Dimbiloglu to cede control, but to no avail. "Last I heard, he was considering fleeing to St. Petersburg [Russia]," said Horn.

There is no word on when he is scheduled to return. He already missed his own going away party thrown by Breznay and returning defender Amber Lovell. "We rolled out the red carpet for him," said Lovell, "and he didn't even show!" "We would have let him throw up on our floor and everything," said Breznay.

The triumvirate refused to comment publicly on what their next move would be. Sources close to the trio tell el Campo they are considering creating a shadow blog, calling in the A-Team to storm his Goztepe apartment, or devising an elaborate trap baited with his favorites: cupcake cakes and Larry King swimsuit magazines. "Either way," said tri-captain Ben Hoefs, "It's going to be bloody."