Crooks Win Hearts and Minds

K Streeters Earn First International Cap, Grass Stains at 4-H Invitational

A select group from the tenth block traveled to Bethesda on Sunday to take on the Iraqi National Team. Forwards Logan Kendall and soon-t0-be-former Crook Tim Malacarne joined with defender Joanne Breznay and netminder Tim Snyder in the match which took place on actual grass at the 4-H National Headquarters. "The grass was something fantastic," said Breznay, "I had never seen it before, grass doesn't really exist where I come from. I mean there are tufts of it here and there, but mostly we play on rocks and glass." Malacarne concurred, "This is my first time traveling to Maryland and frankly, I'm in love. They even have flying insects here. Insects!"

But the trip abroad wasn't all fun and fleas for the Crooks. The team split squad and adopted Iraqi counterparts to take each other on in a fierce competition. Or at least it started out that way. "It became very clear very early that this organic grass substance was very slippery," said Snyder, whose face was green on one side, "Simple things such as stopping, changing directions and bicycle kicks became almost prohibitively difficult. Almost." The team persevered and dazzled the other foreign visitors with what they do best. "Breznay looked good," said one of the Iraqis, "we heard about her ability to boot the ball incredible distances and heights, but man... to see it in person.... She even was able to emulate Snyder-esque goal kicks with little preparation." Breznay own-assisted on a handful of goals after centrally-located goal kicks were intercepted by the opposing side.

The team returned to K Street late Sunday but not before traveling to find crabs, bad drivers and Ikea-College Park, ensuring they got the full Maryland experience. "I'll tell you what," said Kendall reflectively, "I'm not sure I'll ever see grass like that again, but it'll be nice to get back to our glass shards and AA batteries."

OTHER NEWS:

The Crooks are expected to announce their new lineup this week as they prepare for the upcoming Fall season starting in August. Team officials are mum but one source close to the roster said "You'll see some old faces, some new faces and some ugly faces in melon this season." The team will need to replace Forward Tim Malacarne and defenders Alexis Horn and Mustafa Dimbiloglu. "We're taking a hard look at that homeless woman who already has Dimbiloglu's jersey. She'd be an upgrade," said the source.

The Crooks also round out their season with matches on the 13th (v. Real Awesome) and the 20th (v. blood rivals FC K Street). "We're ready for a fight [versus current #2] Real Awesome and an outright brawl against FC K Street," said an anonymous team source. "A lot of us have taken up Tae-Bo [in preparation for the brawl] because there's been a lot said, but also because it's great for our trouble areas [love handles and glutes]. We'll be prepared both to defend the honor of K Street and to look good in our swimsuits."