Big Jerks to Blame
CAPITOL HILL: The 2008 Homecoming Game for the K Street Crooks took a tragic turn on Sunday. The Crooks suffered their first loss of the campaign, 2-0 in front of a capacity crowd. Among the three people there were one-time Crook sub Charlotte Gordon and Forward Mark Corcoran's only fan, Ari. The team videographer was also in attendance but graciously left her camera at home.
The team, who attempted to equalize the game halfway through the second half with an own-goal, was not available after the game. Forward Tim Malacarne was seen flailing his legs violently into the air, ostensibly kicking at where he thought the Gatorade cooler should have been. Gordon, speaking on behalf of the team, said "yeah it was really tough for the team. To put it in perspective it's like when like Carrie (horse-faced actress on Sex and the City) went to go buy these totally awesome shoes but she like didn't have money cause her credit got declined." Clarifying further for the perplexed press, "Today, their credit was declined. It's sad, but they'll learn something about responsible shopping and will bounce right back."
Near-injury was added to insult at the post-game Homecoming parade, further proving why homecoming parades should not be held after games. Homecoming King Tony Pappas barely escaped serious injury when a float (right) smashed into his overly masculine 300 themed conveyance. The King flew ass-over-teakettle off the float, landing 20 feet away. "Go tell the Spartans, passerby, that here by Spartan law, we lie," he murmured to Forward/Spectator Ben Hoefs who replied, "Um... auf Deutsch, bitte?" Pappas is expected to start Sunday.
The Homecoming Dance on Sunday night wasn't any better. Defender Mike Huling decided to go for the hair-of-the-dog and showed up to the Ball in a toga (left). It is unclear why he was covered in French's but vigorously declared that he was "not yeller about his mustard!" The worst came when Defender Alexis Horn and Captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu got into a heated dispute with the DJ. When, under direction from the rest of the team and common sense, the disc jockey refused to play Hanson or Hootie, the two defenders took down the the speakers and PA equipment in a shower of sparks that would make any 70's rocker proud. "MMM BOP THIS!" Horn was heard screaming. Her roommate, goalkeeper Tim Snyder, told el Campo "yeah, she does that sometimes. Just gotta make sure you keep Starburst jelly beans in the house...."
The team hopes to focus all of this divergent energy towards a single goal this Sunday at 4:00 PM when they take on TK's Team at the Capitol Hill Pitch. The Crooks will play without key defender Joanne Breznay who recently was called up to the ranks of MLS. Breznay starts as Defensive Flag-waver for DC United when they take on the San Joesey Earthquakes. Forward Ben Hoefs is questionable with a Hogan's Heroes marathon that needs watching.
CAPITOL HILL: The 2008 Homecoming Game for the K Street Crooks took a tragic turn on Sunday. The Crooks suffered their first loss of the campaign, 2-0 in front of a capacity crowd. Among the three people there were one-time Crook sub Charlotte Gordon and Forward Mark Corcoran's only fan, Ari. The team videographer was also in attendance but graciously left her camera at home.
The team, who attempted to equalize the game halfway through the second half with an own-goal, was not available after the game. Forward Tim Malacarne was seen flailing his legs violently into the air, ostensibly kicking at where he thought the Gatorade cooler should have been. Gordon, speaking on behalf of the team, said "yeah it was really tough for the team. To put it in perspective it's like when like Carrie (horse-faced actress on Sex and the City) went to go buy these totally awesome shoes but she like didn't have money cause her credit got declined." Clarifying further for the perplexed press, "Today, their credit was declined. It's sad, but they'll learn something about responsible shopping and will bounce right back."
Near-injury was added to insult at the post-game Homecoming parade, further proving why homecoming parades should not be held after games. Homecoming King Tony Pappas barely escaped serious injury when a float (right) smashed into his overly masculine 300 themed conveyance. The King flew ass-over-teakettle off the float, landing 20 feet away. "Go tell the Spartans, passerby, that here by Spartan law, we lie," he murmured to Forward/Spectator Ben Hoefs who replied, "Um... auf Deutsch, bitte?" Pappas is expected to start Sunday.
The Homecoming Dance on Sunday night wasn't any better. Defender Mike Huling decided to go for the hair-of-the-dog and showed up to the Ball in a toga (left). It is unclear why he was covered in French's but vigorously declared that he was "not yeller about his mustard!" The worst came when Defender Alexis Horn and Captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu got into a heated dispute with the DJ. When, under direction from the rest of the team and common sense, the disc jockey refused to play Hanson or Hootie, the two defenders took down the the speakers and PA equipment in a shower of sparks that would make any 70's rocker proud. "MMM BOP THIS!" Horn was heard screaming. Her roommate, goalkeeper Tim Snyder, told el Campo "yeah, she does that sometimes. Just gotta make sure you keep Starburst jelly beans in the house...."The team hopes to focus all of this divergent energy towards a single goal this Sunday at 4:00 PM when they take on TK's Team at the Capitol Hill Pitch. The Crooks will play without key defender Joanne Breznay who recently was called up to the ranks of MLS. Breznay starts as Defensive Flag-waver for DC United when they take on the San Joesey Earthquakes. Forward Ben Hoefs is questionable with a Hogan's Heroes marathon that needs watching.
2 comments:
In order to make Sunday's game, forward Ben Hoefs has bought all seasons of Hogan's Heroes, including the never-before-seen Blitzkrieg Christmas Special.
Logan and I will start a "Vamos Crooks" chant from RFK... you guys should listen for it :)
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