El Campo de Petworth has learned from confidential sources inside the K Street Crooks organization that captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu has informed his teammates that he wants no part in Saturday’s game against Ecofinish. The shocked group vowed to fight on despite the defection. Indications that Dimbiloglu was dissatisfied with the direction of the Crooks were evident as early as late 2007 when, rather than pledge his future to the club, the captain decided to “apply to business school.” These tensions were believed resolved, though, particularly after Dimbiloglu’s strong performance in last week’s game against the Dickstein Shapiro Penguins. This week, however, he callously announced that the team could play their little games for all he cared, he was going to Michigan. “Screw that,” he is reported to have said, “I got my assist. I’m outta here.”
When informed of their captain’s decision, many Crooks were unable to believe their ears. “Mustafa isn’t coming?” central defender Mike Huling asked incredulously, “Mustafa? Are you sure you don’t mean Dorothy?” Striker Ben Hoefs also tried to make statement, but whatever profound sentiments he wished to express were inaudible over his sobs.
With the men of the team barely able to contain their despair, midfielder Joanne Brezney disproved centuries of stereotypes about her sex’s emotional nature by immediately focusing on the tactical impact of Dimbiloglu’s absence on the Crooks’ chances for victory. Still, her countenance was gloomy. “Mustafa’s out? Fuck! Now who the hell’s going to pick up Tim?”
Alone among team members willing to speak to ECdP, defender Amy Aubin seemed to see Dimbiloglu’s looming absence as a positive. “Thank god,” she was quoted as saying, “that little bitch is finally learning to respect my corner.”
6 comments:
If I weren't still crying I would think of something clever to say. Booohhooo
Now I know I've met some of you just once, but even I can imagine how PRICELESS it would be if you guys won while he was gone. Or even just pretended you did... :-)
UPDATE: Unnamed sources tell eCdP Dimbiloglu is missing this week's test to fly to Michigan State on a 7AM flight curiously scheduled after the team signed on to play on Saturdays. Dimbiloglu attempted to change his flight but refused to pay the nominal change fee. "I'd pay $50 to change the flight, but not $100," Dimbiloglu told the unnamed source. You can't possibly put a price tag on true leadership, but here it's $50.
Hahahaaa... I made it into the blog... that's awesome. Hah
Why is he fondling a badger in that picture. Is that what he did instead of play soccer?
I did not have sexual relations with that badget, Ms. Lewinsky.
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