K Street Abuzz with Anticipation

After long furlough, (most of) the Crooks are ready for Saturday

WASHINGTON, DC - The Crooks of K Street face SarahMcElhinney'sFantasticTeam this Saturday at 4:00PM on the Petworth Pitch. After several weeks off, the Winners in Watermelon are anxious to get back to their beloved, potholed patch of grass.

Ranked 9th, K Street is looking for redemption against the 13th ranked SarahMcElhinney'sFantasticTeam. That is, everyone except for backup goalkeeper/bocce superhero Eric Cederbaum. Cederbaum, who will be missing the game to attend a bocce championship "needs to reevaluate his priorities," according to team captain Mustafa Dimbiloglu. "Soccer is the real sport while bocce is for 4 year olds... or Italian's in their 80's."

"His absence will be a challenge for the team," said now-starting netminder Tim Snyder. "I'm excited for the opportunity to save some balls, my job and goal kick any memory of that bocce-star cum goalie out of everybody's heads," he continued, smacking the posts of the life-sized goal set up over the bed in his Arlington apartment while thumping his chest, "This is MY house. I MUST PROTECT THIS HOUUUSE!"

The team will also be without the services of defender Alexis Horn, who has been all-but-absent from every game this season. El Campo asked Horn, who will be scouring the woods of New Hampshire, about her absence. "Mustafa [Dimbiloglu, team captain] mentioned that too. I've been here for the past three weeks, helloooooo! It's just annoying." Horn continued, stating the fact that the past three weeks were cancelled were "not my fault! Wait, that wasn't meant to be a quote. Oh whatever!" When reached for a reply, Dimbiloglu said "Reeeeer!" accompanied with a clawing gesture.

Overall, the team is optimistic that it can overcome the spotty commitments of their non-essential members. "Nederman-like absenteeism has become endemic on this team. It's really sad. You start with one bad apple and soon the rot spreads," said forward Tim Malacarne, referring to reserve bench 'player' Dorothy Nederman, who will also not be present at this Saturday's game. When asked to comment on her absence, Dimbiloglu inqired, "Wait, who?"

#9 K Street Crooks (9 pts back, 5GF, 8 GA) meet #13 SarahMcElhinney'sFantasticTeam (12pts back, 3GF, 13 GA) Saturday at 4:00 PM at Petworth.