Much Anticipated Indoor Debut

(1850 K Street) - The K Street Crooks made their much anticipated debut to indoor soccer on Saturday, January 5th versus The Fire. Though it was a hard fought battle the Crooks managed to lose with a score of 12 to 1. The sole Crooks goal came from forward Benjamin Hoefs with less than six minutes left in the game. After the match Hoefs spoke with El Campo and stated "I scored the most amazing goal in indoor history. I am a German chick-magnet. Come to me girls!" Later that afternoon after speaking with his long-term girlfriend Dorle, the German superstar rescinded the second and third sentences of his quote. Being that El Campo has a record for being fair and balanced the entirety of the quote has been made available.

The Fire played with a talented yet cocky offensive setup and managed to hit two Crooks in the face. Mike Huling an asset for his fast and agile defensive play was hit hard during the second half. Erdal Gursel a spectator at the game commented "I have never seen anyone get lit up like that with a soccer ball." After a few minutes on the sidelines Huling later returned and played well for the remainder of the game, if not a bit wary of the balls projected target. Later during the second half Tim Snyder made an amazing save by taking the ball directly to the face. This save allowed the opposition to win by an eleven point spread instead of twelve. "Every save counts" stated Alexis Horn long-term Snyder girlfriend and defensive player.

The Crooks goalie Tim Snyder was also asked to comment after the game, but instead screamed obscenities at his defensive line and left the pitch with a "I'm not making a F*CKING comment to you ASSH*LES!" Upon hearing Snyder's tirade defensive stronghold and former Mister West Virginia, Justin Sargent said "hell, I made more saves with my body then Snyder did with his hands, I don't know what he's screaming about." After hearing the comments of both Snyder and Sargent defensive player Amy Aubin commented "Snyder is not the type of person the Crooks need as Captain. His smear campaign of Dimbiloglu during the off-season was the first warning sign and today's incident is just icing on the cake."

Though the season has started off on a rough patch the management of the Crooks hope for a strong remainder of the season. At the postgame news conference team captain Dimbiloglu stated "The Crooks weren't called the Pride of Petworth for nothing!"