Game 2 (Jan.19, 2008) K Street 0 : 10 Chupacabras

The Crooks had the previous weekend off to further increase speed and endurance and to practice passing and shooting with a scrimmage against “The Randoms”. Sadly, some members of the Crooks were unable to attend due to negative effects of a short-term poison which they inadvertently drank the previous night. The scrimmage went forth nonetheless and it seemed the Crooks got some of their soccer determination back after this speech from Captain Dimbiloglu: “LET’S DO IT CROOKS!”

However, this determination was subdued even before the kickoff against the Chupacabras; star attacking midfielder Joanne had her lucky soccer shoes stolen from the Evil Monkey in her closet. Without those shoes, Joanne was overheard weeping in her Limo to the game. Things continued to go bad after the Chupas took the warm side of the benches. The Crooks were left with screaming soccer moms and a bench temp of negative 13.7 degrees Celsius. Things started looking even worse after 8 minutes of play, at which time the Crooks were already 0-5 in the hole. The Chupas used a devastating tactic of shooting balls at such a velocity that they were: “literally on fire” as stated by goalie Tim Snyder after he got 2nd degree burns to hic coccyx.

However, after the first 6 goals, the Chupas started getting stomped by the Crooks defense. Even though the Crooks did not remember the first half score, they were looking for a comeback in the second half. This half however, lead to even greater tragedy. After several minutes of play, the leading goal scorer of the Chupas kicked (with a clocked speed of Mach 1.73) attacking midfield Bennji Hoohoo in the side of the shin bone. Bennji tried to keep playing but deemed himself unfit after feeling excruciating pain while jogging. Since the Chupa’s player did not apologize for his fault, Bennji told El Campo magazine: “I swear eternal revenge and pain for that ‘no good scruffy-looking nerf-herder’.”
The Crooks increased their defensive capabilities and stopped the Chupas countless attempts on goal. However, once the 9th goal was scored, the Crooks started losing it. Exhaustion was setting in and sloppiness started taking over. Desperation became the norm and teamwork took backseat. To add to this disaster, the floor attacked defender Justin Sargent and took a bite out of his ankle: “I don’t believe this! I’ve been nice to the floor all my life and look how it repaid me” shouted Mr. Sargent while on his crutches. After this incident, Amy vowed to avenge Justin; and on the drive home started setting plans in motion for revenge.

After two disasters in a row, the Crooks’ future can only become brighter. With the moon rising 6 times before the next game, the Crooks are ready to play smarter, faster, more accurate, and more aggressive.